How to Have Great Conversations 

This page will help you have better conversations and make you come off as a really interesting person to people you communicate with.  

We will be focusing on 3 specific conversation techniques that will help you converse better with everyone (both men and women).  

The Goal :
Have Interesting Conversations
(0 - 1:24 of video above)

One of the best overall skills you could ever learn is how to communicate and talk to people more effectively.  

This is a skill that will help you in business, with your friends, with your family, in dating, in relationships, etc.

It even helps you when you randomly meet strangers.  

My Conversation Mentor - Uncle Steve : 
(1:25 - 5:39 of video above)

My Uncle Steve is the best conversationalist I have ever seen in person.  

He can talk to ANYONE, ANYWHERE, about ANYTHING, for ANY amount of time.  So over the years I started picking his brain to get better in this area.  

The 3 main conversation techniques I learned from my Uncle Steve that I will share with you on here will be the 80/20 rule, Controlling the Topics, and W.C.I.L. (What Can I Learn).

The 80/20 Conversation Rule : 
(5:40 - 15:04 of video above)

The first technique is on LETTING THE OTHER PERSON TALK.  Yes this is something you may have heard of, but when you do this really well, your conversation should consist of you talking no more than 20% of the time...

The person you are conversing with should be talking upwards of 80% of the time.  

Be INTERESTED to Be INTERESTING : 
(5:40 - 15:04 of video above)

Part of this 80/20 rule is to make it a mission to understand the other person before feeling the need to be 'understood' yourself.

How can you do this?  By being interested in learning about the other person.

The more you ask about and engage with someone else's interests, motivations, and life - the more they will feel seen and understood by you.  

Here's a fun fact, the more interested you seem in getting to know someone else, the more interesting of a person they will think you are.  

Be a Good Listener, Let Them Talk :  
(5:40 - 15:04 of main video above)

Here's some wisdom straight from the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - 

"So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.  To be interesting, be interested.  Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering.  Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."

"Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems."

When you learn to become a great listener it becomes such an advantage because you understand the other persons needs, wants, and desires more clearly.  

Control the Topics by Being Curious :
(15:05 - 32:45 of main video above)

Conversations with others become infinitely easier when you are genuinely curious about getting to know the other person.

How do you make sure you stay genuinely curious?

By controlling the topics and pushing the conversation in areas that you are genuinely curious about.

The trick is - as long as you let the person remain the 'star of the show' - they won't care what topic you ask about, as long as they are the center of attention.  

Give Them the Spotlight :
(15:05 - 32:45 of main video above)

This is why it is fun.  You get to pick what you want to talk about - you just have to let THEM be the star.

For instance, I personally am really into personality types like the Meyers-Briggs system or the Enneagram.

Whether I'm talking with a man or a woman, I can ALWAYS steer the conversation into personality types because I come at it from a place of curiosity of what THAT persons personality type may be.

Take Control While Keeping Them The Star :
(15:05 - 32:45 of main video above)

This picture is a representation of the Enneagram personality typing system.

If they don't know their 'Enneagram number' for instance - I then go something like "Oh this is going to be fun, we are going to figure this out for you."  And then I start asking them questions that will help us figure out THEIR enneagram number.

This may be a good example for you because you probably could care less about the Enneagram.  BUT since I love it, if I were sitting down with you I would get you real excited about it - NOT by focusing on me and what my Enneagram number is but by focusing on YOU and all the cool things you can discover when you know your own number.

What Can I Learn from This Conversation? :
(32:46 - End of main video above)

A great mindset to have in conversations and just in life is to constantly ask yourself "What Can I Learn"?

Every person has something they can teach you.  Even if it is a perspective you don't agree with, you can still LEARN a new way of seeing things.

If you can train your mind to really focus on learning from others, it will benefit both of you.  You get to learn and they get to be listened to.

Discipline Yourself to Keep This Mindset:
(32:46 - End of main video above)

You may be tempted to turn off this 'learning' mode when you meet someone you clash with or don't respect.

What happens if you run into a feminist?  Is there anything you can actually learn from her?

YES - you can try to figure out why she first got interested in feminism.  You can try to figure out what specifically she is most passionate about with feminism.

Maybe you will find some common ground somewhere in the conversation.  Or maybe you will think she is an absolute Batshit crazy psycho feminist.

However - you can learn HOW the feminist thinks.  It doesn't mean you ever need to agree with or adopt her thoughts, but you can learn a new way to think about feminism when you hear it from an actual feminist.  

True Knowledge is Knowing You Don't Know :
(32:46 - End of main video above)

Some of the smartest people to ever walk this Earth agree on a similar notion...

True knowledge or true wisdom is in understanding that you know very little.

Take that mindset with you everywhere you go, especially in conversations.  Be curious and try to learn something from every person you meet.  

How to Win Friends and Influence People :
(Highly recommend this book)

This presentation got a lot of inspiration from my Uncle Steve and from the classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

This book ROCKED MY WORLD on how to be more likeable and influential in the social realm.

My only warning is this isn't specifically based on attracting women, it is much more for the business world or your day-to-day relationships with friends and family.