Is She Actually Busy, or Just Not Interested?
Jul 03, 2016
Have you ever asked a woman to hangout, she said she wasn't able to, and now you are stuck wondering whether she was actually busy or just didn't want to see you?
I know I have.
Especially with a woman that I have met online.
If this is a problem you have found yourself in - I am here to help. We will be diving into the question many men have asked me... "Is she just saying she’s busy because she doesn’t want to hang out with me, or is she ACTUALLY busy?"
That would be an impossible question to answer without knowing more about your specific situation.
I will, however, cover the three most common situations that revolve around this question– one which will probably fit the scenario you are currently thinking about.
Situation 1: She’s busy. A LOT. Like every time I ask her to hangout.
Situation 1 is when there is a repeated theme of her becoming ‘busy’ whenever you ask her out. When there is a pattern like this, it is safe to assume she is using this as a way to avoid hanging out with you. If this is the situation you find yourself in, there is really no way to sugarcoat it… she isn’t interested in you. Yes, there are ways to resolve this to get her thinking about you more, but that takes a lot of patience and discipline on your part. I’d suggest moving on – but try if you must.
Situation 2: We met online, but this is the first time I asked her out. Something "came up".
This is where the dating game gets fun guys. We get to do a little detective work to piece this together. There may be hope. Women can be very wishy-washy about meeting up with a random man from a dating site (rightfully so… there are weirdos out there). So – it is a normal occurrence for a woman to get cold feet unless you possess…
a) Abercrombie model looks
b) Flawless texting game.
If you fall in between (which is most men) then online dating can seem like a complete game of chance.
The good news? The shear lack of guys with AMAZING texting skills is so few and far between that you could set yourself quickly apart with knowledge and some good training.
Conclusion: Play it off as no big deal that she can’t make it. Wait a week then ask her out again. If she makes an excuse up this time, you probably can reason that it’s time to move on.
Use all the clues she gives you to put
together how she truly feels about you.
If she says she is 'busy', what ELSE does she say?
THAT will tell you whether she is truly busy or
just making an excuse to let you down easy.
Situation 3: She seemed interested, but when I asked her out the other night, she said she couldn’t make it.
Here is the big question… when she said she couldn’t make it, WHAT ELSE DID HER CLUES SAY?
Here’s what I mean. Which response was most like hers?
a) “I’m sorry I am busy on Saturday”
b) “I’m sorry! My parents are coming to visit so I will be with my family all weekend but let’s hangout soon!”
c) “I can’t hangout Saturday, but I am free early next week.”
Which do you think showed the most interest on her part? You may be thinking B… I could see that. However, I think C is the response that shows the most interest. I’ll analyze all three of those possible responses.
a) She did not seem dissapointed in any way that she was not able to make it. She isn't interested. Stop investing time and energy into her until she does in return.
b) She seemed to be sorry that she couldn’t make it. She even went through the trouble to explain WHY she couldn’t make it (her family… aw that’s a legitimate reason). However – she also didn’t give you any alternative day for a date. That part makes me think her interest is not as high as you hope it to be. Still unclear, but her interest is not HIGH - you are probably still in the game but make sure to add mystery soon or you will be friend zoned.
c) This to me showed the most interest because of her statement… ‘but I’m free early next week’. She gave you help there. All you would need to do in this situation is say, “Okay how about Tuesday night instead?”. She would probably agree to that and BINGO, you have a date.
Summary: When a woman says she's busy, don't stop there. See what ELSE her clues say. A woman that wants to see you will drop you hints - like suggesting other times she is free to make it easy for you to ask her out again. Always look for clues guys, you will find them when you know what to look for.
Adam Jordan (founder of TextingPrince) helps men understand how to communicate with women to connect in far deeper ways than the average man knows how. He is a professionally certificated instructor with a Master's degree in Curriculum and Instruction (creating simple solutions to complicated problems... like dating). :)